19 things Bostonians always have to explain to out-of-towners

“A liquor store is a “packie,” “jimmies” are sprinkles, a “spa” is a deli, “frappes” are milkshakes and it’s a “rotary” not a roundabout. Got it?”

Source: 19 things Bostonians always have to explain to out-of-towners

1. Yeah, that’s just a Colonial guy in breeches and spatterdashes. Ignore him.

They re-enact the Boston Tea Party, or something. It’s a tourist thing to do. Like Duck Tours and whale watching.

2. Our gods are The Sox, The Pats, the Bruins and the Celtics.

You must never blaspheme the gods in front of a Boston native. Praise the demi-gods Tom Brady, Robert Paxton Gronkowski aka “Gronk” and David Ortiz aka “Big Papi.”

3. A liquor store is a ‘packie,’ ‘jimmies’ are sprinkles, a ‘spa’ is a deli, ‘frappes’ are milkshakes and it’s a ‘rotary’ not a roundabout. Got it?

After I run this packie, I’ll take the second exit off the rotary to get a frappe with jimmies at Town Spa.

4. We nevah pronounce ouwah ah’s. (Translation: We never pronounce our R’s)

You’ve probably heard the famous phrase before. All tourists have fun with it. Let’s say it together, shall we? Pahk the cah in Hahvahd Yahd. Not so hard, right? Don’t say it to a local.

5. Good luck parking your car in Harvard Yard, or anywhere for that matter.

Meter maids are on the prowl, all the time. You parked at 5:59 when the meter expires at 6? $25 to the City of Boston. If you drove in, leave your car at the hotel and take the T. Definitely don’t try to drive in if you’re attempting to go to a Red Sox game. You will not succeed in finding parking, unless you have a large disposable income.

6. Yes, the Fens and Revere Beach have nice scenic views, but you better beware of needles.

Massachusetts has a serious opiate addiction problem. It’s very sad. Also beware the junkies; you’ll know them when you see them, and you will see them.

7. If we dig out a space on the street for our car, you can’t legally park there.

Of course, we may have to mark our territory with some chairs or trash cans or a 36-pack of Natty Lite.

8. ‘Dunks’ is slang for Dunkin Donuts, and it is the elixir of life.

Munchkins from Dunks are a perfect treat to bring to work, a party, a museum event, a tailgate, your cousin’s wake, etc. Boston runs on Dunkin.

9. The T is our subway, metro, whatever.

It generally stand for ‘transit’ or ‘transportation’ and is part of the larger MBTA, Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority. It’s not very fast, especially on the Green Line that runs through universities like Boston University, Northeastern, Boston College, etc. But remember, patience is a virtue.

10. Neil Diamond’s ‘Sweet Caroline’ is our anthem.

And our anthem. It’s played at every game, at the bottom of the eighth inning. It’s also not uncommon for a drunk guy, or kid (pronounced “khed,” though not actually a drunk child), to start up a chant on the T and get the whole car, including the driver, happily singing along.

11. “’Yankees Suck’ is our other anthem.

And it’s chanted at every sporting event. We’re confident that Jesus hates the Yankees, too.

12. Timberland boots are acceptable footwear no matter the season.

Also, “nice” cargo shorts are acceptable formal attire.

13. Every winter, we inform everyone that we’re moving south.

But we don’t. And every summer, we stick around to enjoy Martha’s Vineyard and “The Cape” aka Cape Cod.

14. We use ‘wicked’ as an adverb, both ironically and seriously.

Went to Kelly’s Roast Beef last night and got some chicken fingahs. It was wicked pissah.

15. In addition to Kelly’s Roast Beef for late-night bites, Santarpio’s Pizza in East Boston (Eastie) and Union Oyster House in Government Center are our Boston go-tos.

Don’t forget the D’Angelo’s chain for a variety of hot and cold subs. Yes, subs. Not heroes, not grinders, not even sandwiches.

16. Only we can pronounce our towns correctly.

Gloucester. Worcester. Cochituate. Leominster. Leicester. Haverhill. Spoiler alert! Nothing is pronounced phonetically.

17. Anyone from Mass is going to tell you that these towns are all ‘half an hour away and two towns over.’

We aren’t always lying. Unless the town is in Western Mass. Might as well be its own state, the Yankee lovers.

18. Yes, we are aggressive drivers. But we don’t care if you call us a ‘Mass-hole.’

Mass-holes drive fast, recklessly and cut other drivers off with wanton abandon, so much so that MassDOT, the Department of Transportation, has put signs on the highway that say “USE YAH BLINKAH.”

19. And our pedestrians are not much nicer.

So don’t say hi to strangers on the street. It’s creepy and may get you beat up. Mass-holes love a good fight. 

31 signs you grew up drinking in Boston

Brighton and Harvard, Allston, Boston

“You’ve enjoyed a “Hobo Special” of a 40 and a hot dog at Bukowski Tavern. The one in Inman Square. You know the Back Bay one is for rich yuppies.”

Source: 31 signs you grew up drinking in Boston

1. You’ve sat on the curb with your heels on your lap to eat street meat from the stand near Sissy K’s.

2. You’ll always drink Harpoon and Jack’s Abbey over Samuel Adams because you know that the Boston Lager isn’t actually brewed in Boston.

3. You know that to get served after 2am, all you have to do is go to a late-night restaurant in Chinatown and order a pot of “cold tea.” (Whether they give you beer or white wine is up to the proprietor.)

4. You suspect the bouncer at T’s still has the fake ID he confiscated from you when you were 19.

5. You can remember the days when you spent your weekends covered in PBR and highlighter ink from a BU or MIT frat party.

6. You’ve stolen salt and pepper shakers from the South Street diner at 4am But then felt intensely ashamed about it the next morning because that waiter was really good-natured about how drunk you were.

7. You’ve also, obviously, drunkenly ridden that mechanical pony outside of South Street at 5am.

8. You’ve been kicked out of White Horse for falling down too much.

9. When you go out of town and order a ‘Bacahdi and coke,’ you have to force yourself to pronounce the “R” because out-of-state bartenders never seem to know what you want.

10. You never forget your ID because all these students gallivanting around means you’ll be showing ID until you’re 75.

11. However you remember the days when a fake got you into Daisy Buchanan’s — easily.

12. You’ve felt the wrath of doing way too many pickleback shots at The Draft.

13. And if they ran out of pickle juice, you know what way too many Fireball shots can do to you.

14. You’ve ended up at JJ Foley’s after hours and mysteriously spent your entire paycheck.

15. You know that whenever you go to pay in Boston, the bartender’s going to ask if you’d like to pay cash or just “run the cahd.”

16. You’ve tasted the glory of adding Fireball to your Downeast Cider. (Also: Guinness and Downeast Cider, tell me that’s not good.)

17. You know that 90s night at Common Ground is the only time you can enjoy the Spice Girls without shame.

18. You’ll never say no to a pitcher of PBR. Obviously.

19. You’ve been genuinely impressed by the karaoke singers at Hong Kong, and equally impressed with the scorpion bowls and teriyaki sticks that go around like hot dogs at a Red Sox game.

20. You’ve been ripped off paying for booze at Fenway and the Garden — because it’s just that important to drink at sporting events.

21. You or someone you know has gotten into a fight at Coogan’s. But, hey, they have dollar drafts so you’ll always be back.

22. You’ve played “beirut” or “root,” never beer pong.

23. You’re used to “happy hour” specials being more about food specials than drink specials.

24. You’ve ordered yourself at least three $1 burgers from the Avenue. (Now $2 burgers…)

25. You either regularly order a Tito’s and soda at Tia’s, or you absolutely hate the people who order a Tito’s and soda at Tia’s.

26. You know that nothing goes better with your fried clams and Martha’s Vineyard oysters than a cold Cisco Grey Lady.

27. Your friends keep telling you that Quincy Center has some awesome bars, but since they shut down Marina Bay, you have no real desire to take the Red Line out that far.

28. You’ve enjoyed a “Hobo Special” of a 40 and a hot dog at Bukowski Tavern. The one in Inman Square. You know the Back Bay one is for rich yuppies.

29. Your fanciest moment was when you got dressed up to sip craft cocktails and listen to live jazz at the Beehive.

30. Since the T stops running before last call, you’ve decided to just sober up with a walk around the Commons and wait until it reopens, rather than pay for a cab.

31. You’ve been honestly insulted by the waiters at Dick’s Last Resort